If you’re like most busy professionals, then your life is already full. You don’t have the time or energy to climb onto the emotionally-excruciating treadmill that is the modern dating scene. Or, maybe you do have the time, but you’ve been knocked down and wiped out by so many bad dates that you’re too traumatized to put yourself out there again.
Either way, the right matchmaker can literally change your life.
But, notice the keyword: the right matchmaker.
When I decided to leave my cushy gig in corporate America and transition my matchmaking skills into the world of romance, I thought I’d start out by diving into the experience from the client’s side. What better way to understand what works and what doesn’t than to put on the client’s shoes and take a matchmaker for a spin?
Not to mention, I was excited to see how they might actually help me find a match.
Let’s just say I walked away from that experience disappointed. From a handful of “matches” who fit about as well as a pair of jeans after Thanksgiving to a couple of first dates that ended up going nowhere, the whole process was exhausting and demoralizing.
Was it the guys or was it me? Both. And neither. What I realized as I trudged through and reflected on that experience was that I hadn’t chosen the wrong matches.
I’d chosen the wrong matchmaker.
The men they sent me were good guys, but they weren’t the right guys for me—no matter how far I was willing to stretch. And the more I tried to work with the matchmaker to get closer to a match, the further we moved away and the less I felt seen or heard.
In what follows, I want to help you avoid my pain. I’m grateful for the hard lessons I learned because they helped me to craft a matchmaking company where every client feels heard and the matches we provide truly align with their vision of an ideal partner.
But that doesn’t mean I want you to repeat my mistakes!
Whether you hire me or someone else, this post will arm you with 5 tips to help you ensure that you find the absolute best fit to help you on your romantic journey.
1. Interview the Matchmaker
Mutual fit is important in any relationship—particularly when we’re talking about the person whose job is to connect you with your ideal romantic partner. If that’s the case, then you’d want to speak directly with that person before you hire them, wouldn’t you?
That seems obvious, but it’s not always the way the system works.
When I was sitting in the client seat, I was only allowed to speak to the matchmaker after I signed a contract. Before that, I could only talk with a salesperson. Once I signed, I was assigned a matchmaker who’d take over from there.
Let’s just say she didn’t “get” me… at all.
We never clicked in communication, and the “matches” she sent seemed way off the mark. One was even a guy I’d met years ago on an app who I knew wasn’t right for me.
Still, I tried to keep an open mind. I even met up with a few of her matches despite my reservations. But all that did was confirm what I had already suspected.
I knew I needed another matchmaker, but the Director of Client Experience refused to let me interview and consider the options. They simply assigned me a new matchmaker.
You can guess how this story ends—no luck, no love, and no more contract for them.
Don’t repeat my mistake. Demand the opportunity to speak with your matchmaker. If they push back, stand your ground and insist on connecting with the person who’s supposed to get to know you well enough to connect you with others.
If they still won’t let you talk to your matchmaker, find someone else who will.
Wondering what questions you should ask? Keep reading!
2. Do Your Homework
Connecting directly with a matchmaker is about determining fit. But there’s more to hiring the right person than deciding whether or not the two of you can be friends.
As you start to connect and dig, make sure you understand how their process works. Here are two words to help you focus your investigation: relationships and recruiting.
Relationships
Matchmaking companies span the spectrum between formulaic/process-driven and organic/relationship-driven. I’m all for processes and formulas, but a checklist approach to matchmaking is only half a notch better than what you get with an online dating site.
My experience with the wrong matchmaker taught me as much.
Here’s how it worked:
- sign a contract that sets a very low bar for the matchmaker’s “success”
- fill out the survey indicating your 3 “must-haves” and 3 “deal-breakers”
- wait for them to do their thing and present you with viable matches
The company sold me on “partnership,” but I never experienced it. Instead, they ran their playbook which, in my case, meant stretching (sometimes ignoring) my criteria just so they could present enough “matches” for them to say they fulfilled our contract.
I felt used and abused.
Sure, any good matchmaker will have a process. More importantly, though, they’ll be interested in true partnership. If you want to find someone who will help you find the love of your life, make sure they care enough about their relationship with you to understand who you truly are and what you’re really looking for.
Recruiting
To some extent, the quality of matches you’ll receive from a matchmaker depends on the quantity of contacts in their database. It helps to have a deep pool of candidates to choose from when trying to find someone’s perfect match.
But matchmaking is about more than just opening up their virtual rolodex and picking out a few names. A good matchmaker will be constantly recruiting new potential matches into their database, specifically with you and their other clients in mind.
In my case, it felt as if my matchmaker was scraping the bottom of the barrel—not because there weren’t matches out there but because they’d run out of guys to choose from. And they weren’t doing much (as far as I could tell) to go out and find more.
So, an important question to ask is who’s doing the recruiting (the matchmaker or someone else) and what they’re doing to recruit potential matches for you and in your area.
If the recruiter is someone different than the matchmaker, ask to talk to that person. And if you find they’ve got nobody on the ground where you live and nothing happening to recruit new matches for you, then you may need to look elsewhere.
3. Talk More Than Once
How many times would you talk with a real estate agent before you let them list your home? A surgeon before you let them cut you open? An employer before you take a job?
No relationship will impact your life more extensively than a romantic one. After all, the next person you date may very well become the one you end up sharing the rest of your life with! So, it would stand to reason that you’d want to have a few conversations with the person you’re hiring to help you find that person before you hire them.
Of course, that’s not what I did.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but I failed to apply a lesson I learned (sometimes the really hard way) in my experience as a business owner, vetting professionals to hire. First interviews usually go great. It’s in the second and third meetings when the red flags start to show up and you’re spurred to ask the tough questions that need to be answered.
If I could go back, I would interview my matchmaker at least twice—possibly three times. More talk would come with more questions like these:
- How do you incorporate feedback from me and my potential matches?
- How do you handle challenging situations?
- What do you do when you miss the mark with a client?
- What happens if the matchmaker presents the minimum number of matches (per the client’s contract) and none of them go beyond the first date?
- Is there a satisfaction guarantee? What benchmarks do you promise to hit?
- If not, how do you handle dissatisfied clients?
- Do you have any specific examples you can share?
The conversations don’t have to be excessively long, and you don’t have to bring a checklist of questions to every chat. But do take the time to get to know this person and how they work, or else you just might end up wishing you’d stuck with an online dating app.
4. Play the Field
Not all matchmakers are created equal, and what works for someone else may not be what’s right for you. The only way to find your fit is to get out and survey your options.
Don’t just settle for the first matchmaking site to pop up on Google (even if it’s mine!)
With that said, make sure you consider at least 2-3 matchmakers before you sign a contract. Begin by tapping your network: has one of your first- or second- level contacts had an excellent experience with a matchmaker? If so, get their information.
After you’ve exhausted your network, fire up your browser and search for matchmakers who work in your area. While you’re doing your due diligence, look for testimonials and online reviews. But don’t blindly trust everything you read. Sadly, 5-star reviews are easy to buy these days, and it’s important to read everything you find with a critical eye.
Does all this take time? Absolutely. But it’s worth it. The right matchmaker will save you not just time but heartache in finding your match. The wrong matchmaker will feel like they’ve robbed you of your precious time and money, leaving you worse than when you started.
5. Trust Your Gut
In a decidedly unscientific post on picking the right matchmaker, this is the least concrete piece of advice I can give you. There comes a time when you’ve done all the homework you can do and considered every angle you know to consider.
At that point, all you can do is trust your gut to guide you to the right matchmaker.
I know, from decades of personal experience, that whenever I’ve followed my gut, it’s led me in the right direction. Whenever I haven’t, it’s landed me in hot water.
Do your due diligence. Gather important information. Pay attention to red flags. “Educate” your gut. But when all that’s said and done, trust it. Trust yourself to make the right decisions, and move forward with confident hope in the process.
Conclusion
I don’t claim to know what you’re thinking at this point, but I can take a guess. You’re looking for a matchmaker to ease your romantic burden, but all I’ve done is pile on!
Believe me, I know it takes time and effort to interview your matchmaker personally, do your homework over multiple conversations, and play the field.
But I promise you that the juice will most definitely be worth the squeeze.
As someone who’s not done those things, ignored my instincts, and signed on with the wrong fit, I know how steep the price is for choosing the wrong matchmaker.
Want to know more? Let’s talk and find out whether I might be the right fit to help you find the one you’ve been looking for.
